You’re the CENTRE of their world : Fake Friends

Remember that old adage : " I think that describes this so-called friend of yours who dropped you like a hot coal the moment she felt you fulfilled what she needed from you (without telling you of course).

Once again, I have just recently been betrayed by a close friend of mine. To say I am surprised would be a lie, but to say I am disappointed would be an understatement.
I hate the sequence of events that precede betrayal by anyone, let alone someone considered to be a person close to you or someone you once confided in. The ache in the pit of your stomach from the initial blow of the let down, the pulsating of your temple as you try to ponder why this is happening, and the pacing back and forth across an empty room in attempts to maintain your composure.

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between a fake friend and real friend. Here’s a few guidelines based on my personal experience: 

 Fake friends promise you the world when you first meet them and totally charm you into thinking you’re the center of their world. They do everything for you to make you feel secure (which is a lie because they’re just setting you up to fall).

Fake friends fawn over you and tell you "no need to return the favor" and will get angry when you try to return the favor, because that sets up the fake friend to have to reciprocate and they don’t like reciprocating.

Fake friends are very shallow and get their validation externally. They have very low self-esteem and like to surround themselves with shallow friendships that require low maintenance (and no reciprocation), which makes them similar to an emotional leech.

Fake friends blind you with compliments so that you help them all the time but when you need their help or ask them to reciprocate; they either get angry or give you the silent treatment, leaving you confused with their mixed messages.

Fake friends create a very lopsided, one-sided friendship with a person where they get their needs met, but never meet yours. If you question why the fake friend e suddenly cut you off, they deflect the blame back to you so that they don’t have to feel guilty for knowingly using you.

•          Fake friends will dominate the friendship’s power balance; it’s her way or the high way. You have no say because the fake friend in her own mind is a leader and she has hand picked you to be her follower.
•          Fake friends are huge gossipers. If you confide in them, know that they will spread lies about you like there’s no tomorrow, for their own gain of course — social status as a leader, not a follower.
• Fake friends only want your help. She won’t follow through on her promise to help you ever. She’ll always have a convenient excuse as to why she’s too busy to get together with you, or she’ll tell you that you’re being too needy when you confront her as to why she’s blowing you off all of the sudden, instead of just telling you the truth (which is that she doesn’t want to hang out with you anymore because she has a million other follower friend types to take from).
• Fake friends will put you down to make themselves look better. If you share a success with a fake friend she will blow it off and talk about herself. If you share a success with a true friend, she will praise you and share your excitement and lift up your spirits.

It’s clear to me that your friend was manipulating you the way she all of the sudden cut you off and had no time for you. She painted herself as the martyr so that you would feel guilty instead of the reality which is she’s not a martyr with her time, she’s selfish. If she actually told you she sacrificed her time to help you, she’s manipulating you. She is not someone you can rely on or trust.  Lessons are very painful in life, but personally this one hits harder than most. I am very familiar with fake friends and the very real heartache that comes each time their true nature is revealed.

I know the pain that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worse. A) That they were wolves from the start or B) We are just now figuring it out? Either way, it hurts.

I am getting better at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the ways things happen sometimes. We do not always understand why the temporal pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness.

God, however, knows why every time and I can personally thank Him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on to ignorantly forever.
If someone has lied to you, hurt you or hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too.

Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry, jealous, or spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of these types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through. Pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.

Fake friends are a very real problem for us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationships will prove to be pie worthy! Do not be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

 Song for the moment : 

Fake Friends - Joan Jett

Dushman na kare dost ne kaam kia hai...