Past Midnight thoughts

I really don't know what shall I call this? I am writing without any sort of direction, without a plot in my mind and without any concept or theme. Its just there....
Its past midnight and my mind is shutting down after a long day but I don't know why I have this need to write something before going to bed.

I want to write a story but for some strange reason I can't seem to be able to do that. I believe that storytellers devote their pasts to their present. These touching stories are bridged in a very sentimental fashion and that's because they hold the competence to resist listeners and readers. But, sometimes a story captures your mind in such a mode that a compelling force urges you to retort by reflecting back on your story as well. A few days back, I read a very touching story and as it was cognitive to my life, I started shaping my past and present into a story. Believe me, its hard to understand some one's story unless and until you peek in his/her past. Out there, hundreds and thousands of stories are without title because past expunges them off.

Memories... Memories... Memories....... If you give me one memory back, I will be happy to sacrificeeverything. We people often claim to preserve our memories in some corner of our minds and cherish their elegance but actually we renounce them involuntarily. If you ask me, I also have a huge reminiscence analogous to a photo album.

It is now dead past-midnight.
Cold fearful drops stand on my trembling flesh.
What do I fear? Myself? There is no one else by.
Is there a murderer here? No. Yes, I am.
Then fly away! What, from myself? Great reason. Why?
Lest I revenge. Myself upon Myself?
Alack, I love myself. Oh, no, I hate myself?

Sometimes when we write something, we start associating with our own life and all our fears and nightmares start to emerge in a symbolic way... and we get so caught up in it that we forget the whole idea behind the story as they came in the form of our internal fears. Sometimes we really don't mean what we write but it comes out of some corner of our minds where our greatest fears lie. This frustration and depression is shown in our writings but the meaning is hard to comprehend as it represents a pain hidden somewhere in our hearts which pushes us to write the way we write. For instance, if a writer mentions "Gone" in his story, it doesn't simply mean death but it could be a symbolic after all, "living for the sake of living isn't living", is it?

Sometimes some people are so important in our life that their absence takes everything out of it and life seems meaningless (For all you rational people: yeah, I know I am a little too extreme here). Even, if it is for a moment or two, we still know that the pain is too real to hold within our hearts and then comes out in some form. It just depends on the importance of that person in our lives. For some, it is easy to forget and move on. However, for others its hell to even think about it!
Yet, we should remember that even is sometimes frustration and pain shows up, it doesn't mean a person is down and out forever. If there is a will, even dead can rise again!
It its meant to happen, it will... if not.. then destiny must have a better plan....
At least that is what I am trying to tell myself these days....!
Trying but failing.........