For someone ' I knew '

I sometimes wonder what goes on in your mind when someone mentions my name to you.

Do you feel a lump in your throat? Does a silent tear creep up in the corner of your eye?

That empty feeling inside your heart, that pricking sensation in your chest, a skipped heart beat, racy pulse, that cold gush of blood flowing through your veins and reaching your head, do you feel all that, or is it just me?

 I was so in love with him I couldn’t see straight. The saddest thing was he felt the same way about me.

It was very easy in the beginning. All we had to do was laugh at the same things and love took care of the rest. I had never felt so connected to another person like I felt for him

He would always say it felt as though I was made for him. How glad he was to have met me. We were so sure of what we felt. We should have held tight, onto that certainty.


Now that we drifted apart, when someone mentions your name to me, it’s as if the whole world stops…or perhaps is set in motion. I can’t really figure out .I cannot really place a finger on it. I have asked you en number of times,’ what I meant to you’.  But I never really got an answer. May be that’s what you feel for every girl in your life and that’s why I was never special, like you were to me.

The dilemma of my thoughts never cleared, however I can only tell you that the ache has worsened into a phantom pain, the void deepened into a bottomless abyss, and the silent symphony I once enjoyed is slowly turning into a monstrous cacophony.

The slightest mention of your name makes me smile in confusion; what do I call us -restless lovers who failed the test of time, or strangers who were only meant to cross paths and move on? I gulp in silence.

Do I know you, they would ask me. I thought I did, I want to say but bite my tongue instead.  Did I ever really knew the REAL you.

People who knew us as friends ask me what happened. I wish they would ask you the same. Why should I be the only one feeling uncomfortable? Why should I be the only one subjected to the discomfort of providing a sensible explanation for a senseless drift? No parting words exchanged, no formal goodbyes…But for you its gonna be so easy because majorly no one knew what we exchanged. You were way above hiding. Rather the best at portraying.. I never existed.. But I guess it was destined to happen this way. We were drifters from the start, drifters who on finding one another had perhaps committed the folly of settling down a little too long, before they realized it’s not in their nature to do so, and the best commitment was one sided- you were never involved.

There is never one particular reason why two people are pulled apart, and I have stopped looking for answers. I know better now, that love is never a guarantee. Not when you have the rest of the world to contend with.


 PS: I know loving him has taught me something about myself

“Our footprints in the sands of time will forever remain; perhaps yours always a couple of steps ahead of mine…”